Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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