When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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