I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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