I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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