On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
