Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
