school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I love having hate sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
