I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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