dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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