areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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