Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
