And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
