This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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