I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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