only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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