Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
