I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
