so that wasnt chicken after all
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
barbara walters just said penis...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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