Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
