just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
