this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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