I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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