It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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