You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
