I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
