Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
