the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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