I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
