Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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