Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
