I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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