I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
