they need to just BURY HIM!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
