Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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