I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
