the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How external is "for external use only"?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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