Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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