6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
