And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
