When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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