This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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