ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
