im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
