I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
