Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This baby is an asshole
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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