Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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