you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
