So drunk its hurt
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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