How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
