i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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